Those of you who know me know I am not a small person. I never have been. I was born weighing in at over 10 pounds, and I’m now 6′ tall with Amazonian hips and bountiful bosoms. I’m not fat, per se, but I am certainly “womanly,” “voluptuous,” and “curvy,” and even when I am as thin as I can get without looking sick, I’m not blowing over in a strong wind.
I recently read an article about shoes (another love of mine) and how plus size women love shoes because shoes don’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter if you’re 5’10” and 110 pounds or 5’2″ and 180, if you’re a size 8, you’re a size 8, and you can walk into any department store or shoe store in the world, pick out a pair in your size, and know they’re going to look fabulous. Those of us who wear larger-sized clothes (again, even at my thinnest, I am squeezing if I wear a 12) will never know the pleasure of buying off the rack. I don’t even bother with vintage clothing stores, much as I love the styles of the 40s and 50s, because they NEVER have anything in my size. To make matters worse, I am ALSO screwed in the shoe department – at a size 11, sometimes 11.5, I can’t usually buy off the rack for shoes, either. 9 times out of 1o – nay, 99 times out of 100, I will fall in love with a pair of shoes only to find out the largest they come in is a 10. And usually they don’t even have those in stock. And vintage shoes? Pahahahaha, right. Apparently women in those days maxed out at an 8, or they wore the boxes.
Now I have managed to amass quite the shoe collection in spite of (or maybe because of?) this disadvantage. I have found brands – Naturalizer, Aerosoles, Nine West – that make a large variety of shoes in my size. And I buy them with gusto and the satisfaction that I DESERVE these shoes because I am not like other women – I have to take them when and where I can find them! Still, it’s not always easy, and I can’t usually see a pair of shoes on a friend and ask where she got them, feeling I could go pick myself up a pair. Because they more than likely don’t even make them in my size.
What does that leave me with? PRODUCT. Product really and truly does not discriminate. One size blush fits all. A tube of mascara, used normally, lasts every woman the same amount of time. Lipgloss is lipgloss is lipgloss. You can have fat lips or thin lips and that lipgloss looks the same.
Okay okay okay. So getting to the point, which I am sure by now you thought I’d never do. I present you with Sarah McNamara Miracle Skin Transformer Body SPF 20 in Glow (ain’t that a mouthful).
I love me some lotion, and I moisturize every day after showering. I got a generous sample size of this with my May Birchbox, and was stoked to try it. It’s a tinted, slightly sparkly moisturizer WITH SPF – what a great idea. So basically, it evens your body skin tone, protects from the sun, and gives you a nice, summery sheen. Love it! The sample was 0.5 fl. oz., and it took the entire thing to cover my body. It didn’t seem to come off on my clothes, gave me a really nice glow, and seemed to moisturize well. You may consider this a plus or a minus, depending on your proclivities, but it hasn’t much of a smell. I personally prefer lotions with a yummy, gourmet smell, but I don’t really like lotions that are too perfumey, so having no smell at all is really probably okay.
I liked this moisturizer/bronzer/suntan lotion SO much that I promptly bought a full-size bottle of it from Amazon. If you click above, you will note that it does not clearly say the size of the bottle, but since the sample size was half an ounce, I figured the full size would be quite large, especially for $34. I received the lotion yesterday and was surprised and more than a little disappointed to discover the full-sized product is – get ready – 3.38 oz. REALLY? I used half an ounce in ONE application! Please tell me if I am being crazy here, but that means there aren’t even seven full uses in this full-sized bottle! Not even a week’s worth of applications for THIRTY-FOUR DOLLARS? I mean, okay, yes, I am impressed by this lotion – its multi-functionality is unique and awesome. But $10 and ounce??? IS IT MADE OF LIQUID GOLD????
This brings me around to my opening. If you are short and thin, hey, this may last you a month. But if you’re 6′ tall and of ample body, it may be a waste of money. I’m so disappointed – even the product sphere has found a way to make me feel awkwardly large. Thanks, Sarah McNamara. Thanks a lot.